Years ago, I introduced one of my closest friends (then) to the friend of a guy I was dating. To my surprise, they ended up getting married but the guy I was dating and me didn’t work out. I guess I can say I matchmade someone. I wasn’t even sure that guy was her perfect match but my friend hadn’t dated anyone before and I thought she could end up with a friend even if they didn’t become life partners. Turned out better than I expected. I am sure some of you have done the same for your family members or friends before. While we do it on a casual basis, Violet Lim, co-founder of Lunch Actually has made matchmaking into a very successful business. Violet started Lunch Actually with her then fiancé, now husband Mr Jamie Lee in 2004.
A few days ago, Violet presented a media workshop on The Art Of “Modern Date. Of course I couldn’t miss this rare one-of-a-kind Matchmaking Masterclass by the Matchmaker Guru/Extraordinaire herself. The workshop was interesting because Violet talked about :-
- Ground Rules of Matchmaking Friends
- Men & Women : Want VS Need
- Fact or Fiction : Matchmaking & Dating Myths Busted
- How To Matchmake Your Friends
Lunch Actually is Asia’s first and largest Premier Lunch Dating Agency with 85% matches satisfaction rate. Lunch Actually has arranged more than 90,000 dates and there is no doubt they are the experts in the art of matchmaking. One of the most common questions that Violet is asked is ” “How do you ensure singles receive a compatible match?”
Matchmaking isn’t an easy trade to master as there are many guidelines that all individuals have to adhere to before even getting to the introducing part of matchmaking. This is something Lunch Actually obviously excels in as the company has grown to over 100+ associates, expanding to markets like Malaysia, Hong Kong, Indonesia and Thailand.
Violet’s tips for successful matchmaking:-
- Ask For Permission
Before you start to introduce a potential date for your friends or family members, ask for their permission first. Ideally, they should be receptive to the idea that they are being introduced otherwise they may not give any chances to the person they are introduced to even if they are compatible.
2. You Are Not God
No matter how much you want a match to work out, you cannot predict chemistry. Even the best and most successful matchmakers will not get 100% successes in the matches they make. At times, even if a couple seems to be a great fit for each other on paper, they might not agree when they finally meet. It is possible that one party likes the other, while the other feels nothing.
Therefore, don’t be too hard on yourself if your efforts come to nothing. Just do your best to ensure that the match is at least 60-70% compatible especially in terms of their values. The rest will be up to the couple.
3. Enhance Your Matchmaking Intuition
Often, the best matchmakers are the ones who take time to hone their skills and intuition. Matches which you feel confident in may end up with the singles not getting along at all. Other times, there may be a match that you are not 100% sure about yet you still send them out on a date based on a hunch and the couple then ends up getting married to each other. A great matchmaker is sensitive and perceptive – matchmaking intuition can be nurtured through continuous matching and getting constructive feedback from the singles involved.
4. Learn What They Want, Know What They Need
Most singles have an idea of what they expect in an ideal partner. Matchmakers should take time to get to know their clients, ranging from topics such as hobbies, past relationships,, closely held beliefs and so on. Get to know why clients have certain preferences and note it all down.
However, it is important that you let your clients know that you cannot produce their ideal partner to the exact detail. Rather than just giving the clients what they want, especially something that may not be good for them, give them what they need after consulting with them.
5. Give Tough Love
Some singles can be stubborn, and they insist on clinging on to unreasonable and/or unrealistic expectations. It is important that a matchmaker learns to be firm. For these singles, some tough love is sometimes needed to ensure that they understand that as much as they are doing the choosing, others are choosing based on their preference as well.
Meaningful and fulfilling relationships are not based on criteria such as height, education level or the length of the person’s hair. It is based on compatibility in values and the ability of both parties to compromise. Being firm doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Be firm but also be kind.
6. Be Understanding of Underlying Challenges and Struggles
Singles often think they are single because they have not met the right one. While this is sometimes true, there could also be other underlying reasons that are stopping them from finding the right one or being in a relationship. It is the matchmaker’s job to get the single to open up and tlk about those underlying challenges and struggles. Reasons can range from having low self-esteem to past lovers who have hurt them deeply. Get to know his or her fears and help them get over their stumbling blocks as you help them search for love.
7. Above All, Be Non-Judgmental
It’s easy to write people off based on your first judgment of them. To be a great matchmaker, you must withhold your initial judgments and get to know who the person really is. Someone with tattoos all over their body may not necessarily be involved in/linked to gangsterism.
