I’m posting this up because I’ve had it up to HERE with people who message me with “Will let you know”. It’s been like this with people I know professionally and personally and I think it irks me more when this line comes from someone I regard as a close friend. When I message others with this line, I do actually let THEM know in due course as I feel it’s rude to keep others waiting and anticipating that you will tell them whether you can attend their event. They’d appreciate that I let them know even if I cannot attend eventually.
There have been quite a few “Will let you know” incidents but these are the 2 most recent as in they occurred within weeks of each other:
Before Ramadan, I’d Whatsapped someone in marketing to enquire when her mall’s Raya event was going to be as I had a feeling she’d leave me out even though I have been invited to said mall for years. Yes, she replied exactly that line “Will let you know” which I knew she would NOT. I found out about the date through someone else and that someone else intervened for me and got me invited because marketing exec refused to invite me.
Obviously she didn’t like me for whatever reason only known to her which is a mystery to me as she is new to the mall (just joined late last year) and I’d never spoken or messaged her before. I checked her up on linkedin because I wanted to know if our paths had crossed before. She was previously at another mall which I had never been invited to so no, we had never met. She was really frosty to me at the event and gave me a lame excuse about the mall’s bosses approving the guest list (yeah right, like they have so much free time to scrutinise the guest list!) and that there were different media for each campaign. I was thinking she was such a bad liar as clearly the same media were present at that event as at previous events. That was the best excuse she could come up with? I could have done better and sounded way more credible.
After the event, she was supposed to email me the photos and press release but as expected, she did not (out of spite, what else?) so I haven’t given that mall’s Raya media event any coverage. Till now, it puzzles me why she singled me out to be excluded since I have done nothing to her. She’s a Little Napoleon who feels powerful that she can wield the power to exclude someone she deems undesirable from her mall’s guest list and I am sure she felt really puffed up after giving me that spiel about the mall’s new policy for inviting media.
The experience with mall exec girl reminded me of the lyrics in “People Are People”, one of my all-time favourite songs from one of the greatest/best bands in the world, Depeche Mode. This song is not only timeless but the lyrics are so significant especially for people who are bullied. The song is actually about racism or war but I think it can be applied to people who are on the receiving end of someone’s might. Part of the lyrics go like this:
“People are people, so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully
People are people, so why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully
So we’re different colours and we’re different creeds
And different people have different needs
It’s obvious you hate me though I’ve done nothing wrong
I’ve never even met you, so what could I have done”
The 2nd occasion this happened that was even more hurtful than the first was from my once very good friend from secondary school whom I have known since we were 12 years old. We’d lost touch for 20 years as I had lost her number and the only way I could contact her was through Facebook. It took some time but I did find her on Facebook a few weeks ago.
Messaging my friend on Facebook, I seemed to be the only 1 of us who was excited to reconnect as her initial response was colder than an icicle. If a once close friend from my past had taken a lot of time and trouble to locate me, I would appreciate it but that’s just me. I asked my friend if she could call me and chat as I didn’t have her number. Her response was that she’d been out all day and was too tired.
She didn’t even want to pass me her number until I asked a few times and then she finally Whatsapped me. After a brief exchange, I asked if she’d like to meet up, she gave me that line “Will let you know” which I knew instantly meant “No, I don’t wish to see you ever again”. I know that people change over the years but I guess I expected some honesty like she could have told me she didn’t want to be friends any more. I’d have accepted it because I cannot force friendship on anyone.
For people who have not seen or heard from someone in decades, it’s either a joyful reunion or one of them can’t be bothered to continue with the once close friendship. Did it bother me that this was a friend whom I supported emotionally for years through her mental health issues/struggles to the extent that I’d bring her along on outings and trips with the guy I was dating in the 90s just because I didn’t want her to feel lonely/depressed? I admit it bothered me but hey, life goes on and old friends can conveniently forget that they were once loved. I did inform her in our Whatsapp messages that I’d only keep in touch with those I still care about but the feeling wasn’t mutual at all.
I can’t deny that it did give me an odd feeling but I think what bothered me more was her brushing me off with that line. We’ve shared so many experiences together, created a lot of happy memories, spent all the weekends together from the time we left secondary school until I left for uni and when we had both graduated, the pattern resumed. She used to call me every day and we’d spend hours chatting happily. I’ve been there for her for years through thick and thin and even introduced her to her husband. I can still remember the night I introduced them, the radio happened to play “Two Less Lonely People In The World”, an appropriate song. All I have ever wanted was the best for her because I loved our close and tight-knitted friendship. Yet after and despite all that, she cannot even tell me the truth, that she will not talk to me, let alone see me. It isn’t that I want to know why – I get that people I used to know well in the past don’t have the time of day for me any more but to say “Will let you know” and then never do, well I am somewhat fed up of being the recipient of those words.
Often, I read in the papers or online about the happy reunion between friends who have finally found each other after decades of losing touch. Just my luck, I have a friend who thinks I want something from her rather than genuine reconnected friendship. I do regret trying to pick up from where we left off. I guess some friendships have to end some time but I want her to know that it’s not of my choosing and I deserve better than to be fobbed off with those 4 words which smack of insincerity. I’ve lived long enough to know that when people use those 4 words, most of the time they mean the opposite. However, people who use that line on me seem to think that I was born yesterday. Now excuse me while I take my shovel to bury this friendship.
